Some news about my Jim

Have you ever experienced moments when you can't quite remember how to begin a prayer or start a song that you've known since childhood? Well, that's a little bit like this post, although I'm not having trouble remembering anything. The thoughts have been swirling around in my head and held in my heart for weeks. I simply don't know how to start. I guess I'll just say it.

My husband has prostate cancer.

Blurting it out like that is so shocking, as if I had uttered a profanity. The truth is, I am still a bit taken aback by the diagnosis. It came so suddenly, unexpectedly, without warning or even the slightest suspicion. And I haven't quite figured out how to share this news comfortably, gracefully. I've never been good at sharing bad news. Certainly, there is a bright side which helps soften the blow. The cancer is confined to the prostate, it has been caught early and the prognosis is very good. We are truly, truly grateful for that!!

Some have said, "Well, if you're going to have cancer that is the kind to have." Perhaps, but no one wants any kind of cancer, right? And some men have died from prostate cancer. My grandfather is one and I have heard of others. I know of one man who currently has advanced prostate cancer and is in the fight for his life. It is, like all cancer, an ugly, horrible disease. But as I said, we are grateful that in Jim's case it was discovered early, before it was given a chance to grow into a more serious problem.

In November Jim had a routine physical with his primary care physician. During the exam she felt something odd, a small lump or polyp on his prostate. He followed up with a urologist, who determined that the lump was nothing more than a benign cyst or calcium deposit located near the prostate but not actually on it. Nothing to worry about. However, as an added precaution the doctor opted to proceed with further blood testing. Lo and behold, the blood work came back abnormal, so a biopsy was scheduled for mid-December.

The morning of the biopsy, I dropped Jim off at the surgery center and waited at home as we reside a mere five minutes away. The nurse called me when it was time to go pick him up. The procedure went well and Jim recovered quickly. We busied ourselves with our typical Christmas preparations as we waited to hear the results. Honestly, we were expecting everything to be fine, so we were a bit surprised when the urologist called Jim on the Sunday after Christmas. We had just returned from Mass and Jim was fixing himself a sandwich. In fact, we normally head to the parish hall after Mass for "coffee and doughnuts" and to visit with friends, but I had a strong inkling to head straight home. We would have missed the doctor's call if we had stayed. The urologist explained that out of the 12 samples biopsied one of the them tested positive for cancer, even so he seemed optimistic. He used words like slow-growing, a small area, not very aggressive, caught early. All the words meant to soften the blow, to keep up one's hope. A follow-up appointment was made for a little more than a week later. In the meantime, other tests were being evaluated and an oncologist would be consulted. By the way, Jim's PSA was normal, there was no enlargement of the prostate or any other outward signs indicating any problems.

One of the blood tests measures the patient's genetic tendency toward the disease and Jim's came back on the high end. Another opinion was rendered by a second pathologist who discovered cancerous cells in not one, but two of the biopsied samples. The final result of all of the further testing and consultations is that the risk level for Jim is actually higher than originally thought and the best option for him at this stage in the game is to have the prostate surgically removed sooner rather than later.

His surgery date is March 4.

If all goes well, Jim should be fully recovered and in good shape for our daughter's wedding April 25, as well as for a later surgery to repair a torn rotator cuff. Yep, that's right, but I think we'll deal with that one after the wedding!

We truly appreciate the prayers, love, and support of all our family and friends and hold each and every one of you in our hearts and prayers as well. We are forever grateful for the gift of faith and for the love and mercy of our Father whose generosity can never be surpassed.

That's all for now. I hope to share more of what's on my heart in the coming days and weeks. There's a lot there.

November

The stillness of a November afternoon

lies heavy across the lawn strewn 

with sticky, damp leaves.

And I swoon at the memory of you.

Of all that was lost

and might have been.

I cannot see beyond myself, sometimes,

heaped too high.

I will leave this pilgrim place,

one day,

for a new creation.

Where love will wipe all sorrow away

and cast our tears, yours and mine, 
to the glory of the wind,

Where hope will gather us together, forever, again.

Sometimes there are no words ...

... only pictures.

The blessings that Away brings

The four bedroom doors are mostly closed these days, as if that will shut up the memories that linger there. The hallway that once, in vain, tried to contain the laughter and tears, the tantrums and playful squeals of four rambunctious, lively children now holds only distant echoes. Except when the grandchildren come to make their own way where once their mama dreamily envisaged babies of her own. Then never imagining the depth of the love that now fills her.

And so the heart likes to dally there, but knows still that life forges on thus it cannot remain. There are too many blessings in the moment. And a future to contemplate. 

And a husband to love here and now and forever. 

We, he and I, find it necessary to reconnect. To simply be. To be in one another's presence and in the presence of our God. And in it we find a silver lining to children growing up and leaving our home to make their own. And we come to appreciate that this is how it is meant to be.

We headed out in my little, blue Honda at about 1:00, traveling under a mostly cloud-covered sky. Arriving at Lake Anna State Park a little beyond 3:00 p.m., our weekend far from television, traffic, and the clutter of our lives had begun. 

After unpacking and setting up house-keeping in our small yet sufficient cabin, we ventured out to explore the surroundings. The wooded area in front of the cabin had been cleared a bit allowing easy access to the lake via a gently sloped yard. Holly explored this area to her doxie heart's content. We strolled around the loop of cabins before settling down to pray Evening Prayer and to sip wine as we gazed out over the lake. That evening Jim grilled salmon for dinner and we spent some time reading and chatting before retiring to bed as a heavy rain began to fall. My only disappointment thus far had been that I had forgotten to bring my pillow from home! 

Saturday dawned bright and beautiful. After breakfast we struck out on a four mile hike along a few of the many trails meandering through the park. It is here where I found joy in the silent moments and in listening to leaves crunch beneath our feet, to acorns and walnuts dropping from the sky. In reconnecting with God's creation, the sheer awe of it all. In watching a butterfly tease Holly as she pounced and bounded after it, all to no avail. Joy, too, in the conversation along the way and in the rosary praying and in the playful silliness. And in discovering one another anew, away from the distractions, the noise that so often gets in the way of simply being together. Of simply loving, of being one.

A smokehouse along one of the trails.
It is what remains of an old plantation that once overlooked the North Anna River.

Fall just beginning to show off her glory.

Temperatures dipped low on Saturday night, but we remained toasty warm before a roaring fire. We sipped tea and chatted long, about nothing really. And the nothing was just fine. 

In fact, it was even better than just fine. It was perfect.

Sunday morning mist beginning to lift.

I belong to my lover, and my lover belongs to me; he feeds among the lilies.    

  - Song of Songs 6:3

P.S. Some added charm on our way home:

This beautiful, quaint, old church is The Winston Family Chapel in Culpeper County, Virginia.
As one might expect, there is a story hidden there beneath all it's charm.
A story of family feuds and forbidden love.
The chapel called out to me as we drove past and I just had to stop to snap some photos.

The windows are lovely.

That she may walk with Christ

Heavenly Father,

In your love you have called us to know you, 

led us to trust you, and bound our life with yours.

Surround this child with your love, protect her from evil.

Fill her with the holy spirit and receive her into the family of your church, 

that she may walk with us in the way of Christ, 

and grow in the knowledge of your love.

Amen.

With unfathomable joy

the Church welcomes you,

dear, sweet

Genevieve Marie-Josephine!

Daybook for mid-September

Outside My Window:

Autumn is approaching. The summer annuals are beginning to look a little tired and heavy with leggy blooms. The days have grown shorter, temperatures are falling and crickets have begun their seasonal nightly serenade. On my drive back from the Carolinas earlier this week I passed by a roadside stand displaying small pumpkins and mums. Something I would not have expected so early in September. But spying them made me smile.

I am wearing:

Jeans, sleeveless cotton blouse, bare feet.

On Pandora:

Steel Wheels Radio and some George Winston, too.

This old House:

So many plans for the house! First though, I need to do a deep cleaning out of stuff we no longer need (much of it we never really needed to begin with!). I will start in the basement laundry room where we store many odd items - household, outdoor, old clothing, and miscellaneous junk. Planning to begin this project very soon.

From the Kitchen (& Garden): 

Lots and lots and lots of tomatoes! Yum!

Lettuce and peppers, too. A few yellow squash and cucumbers. My herbs (other than the mint) are getting leggy and worn. The thyme died off.

And there are wee, baby carrots! 

 I am Hearing: 

Cicadas

I am Reading:

Time for God by Jacques Philippe (The 5th book I've read by him - He is Awesome!)

Death Comes for the Archbishop by Willa Cather for Book Club. Pleasant, enjoyable read. I like it very much.

I am Hoping and Praying:

For peace in our world. For the end to terrorism on this planet and in the womb. For the conversion of our most vile enemies.

That the many intentions others have asked me to pray for are answered. Especially those who are suffering deeply. That they know they are loved beyond all imagining. That they be still and just let God love them.

For the temporal and spiritual well-being of all my family (including my son-in-law to be!).

I am Grateful: 

For my kids. God has given my the greatest privilege of becoming their mother and I am humbled.

Our Father's Promise:

Raising his eyes toward his disciples Jesus said:

“Blessed are you who are poor,

for the Kingdom of God is yours.

Blessed are you who are now hungry,

for you will be satisfied.

Blessed are you who are now weeping,

for you will laugh.

Blessed are you when people hate you,

and when they exclude and insult you,

and denounce your name as evil

on account of the Son of Man.

Rejoice and leap for joy on that day!

Behold, your reward will be great in heaven. 

For their ancestors treated the prophets

in the same way.

But woe to you who are rich,

for you have received your consolation.

But woe to you who are filled now,

for you will be hungry.

Woe to you who laugh now,

for you will grieve and weep.

Woe to you when all speak well of you,

for their ancestors treated the false 

prophets in this way.”

Luke 6:20-26

A few Plans:

We have a wedding in April! Enough said.

Words to Ponder: 

"Our main task in praying is to love. But in our relationship with God, loving means first of all letting ourselves be loved. This isn't as easy as it might seem. It means we have to believe in love, and often we find it very easy to doubt it. It also means we have to accept the fact that we are poor." - Jacques Philippe, Time for God

A Picture Thought (or two):

The pure joy this child brings (complete with peanut butter smudges) ...

Welcome to the World, little Genevieve

We are over the moon in love with this sweet cherub and  we are beyond delighted to announce her arrival. 

Our world just keeps getting better.

Welcome 

Genevieve Marie-Josephine

With her beautiful Mama

Proud Grandpa Jim

Get a load of those cheeks!

With Auntie Erin

Welcome to our crazy family, Jake!

On May 17, 2014 our Megan (who decided on a whim to go to college) graduated with honors from Belmont Abbey College. We are so proud of her! And if that didn't provide enough excitement for all of us, directly following the ceremony her boyfriend asked her to spend the rest of her life with him! And she said YES! We couldn't be happier for them. You would be hard-pressed to find another couple more in love than these two! 

Here are a few captured moments from that very special day.

Best wishes, Megan! And Congratulations, Jake! 

Love you both so much!