An Emptier Nest

“When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest, they're not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the floor, or the music that numbs your teeth, or even the bottle of capless shampoo dribbling down the shower drain. They're upset because they've gone from supervisor of a child's life to a spectator. It's like being the vice president of the United States.” - Erma Bombeck

From my office window I often see young mothers walking with their tots along a nearby bike path. Once, a mom with her two little girls stopped to play in the grassy area along the path. The mom could easily have been me, let’s see, some 20 years ago. The younger sister, no more than two, bravely set off to explore the surrounding area while her older sister kept a close vigil playing ‘little mother’. (Of course their mom had an eagle eye on them the whole time.) I remembered my own girls playing in much the same way. But now they’re all grown up. How did that happen? No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop time. My kids continued to grow and mature at lightning speed.

Last May my first-born married the man of her dreams. For me, the months leading up to the blessed event proved an emotional roller coaster ride. I experienced great joy, excitement and thanksgiving, but also sadness and a longing to keep my “baby” from leaving the nest. “It’s too soon!” my aching heart screamed only to be drowned out by the voice of reason. Katie’s impending marriage was inevitable. She was no longer my little girl playing with paper dolls strewn across the family room floor. My husband and I were confident that she and Sam were meant to be together. He is an amazing young man of deep faith and conviction. Nevertheless, my tears continued to flow – often triggered unexpectedly by anything from stumbling upon a baby photo of Katie to watching a silly coffee commercial on TV, to hearing a song – usually a country song – on the radio. Suddenly, I had a whole new batch of favorite tunes and movies. In fact, there is a great scene in the 1991 movie, Father of the Bride, starring Steve Martin as George Banks. After escorting his daughter, Annie, down the aisle, George heads back to his seat and we hear his thoughts.

"Who presents this woman? This woman? But she's not a woman. She's just a kid. And she's leaving us. I realized at that moment that I was never going to come home again and see Annie at the top of the stairs. Never going to see her again at our breakfast table in her nightgown and socks. I suddenly realized what was happening. Annie was all grown up and leaving us, and something inside began to hurt."

Yes, George Banks, I understand exactly how you feel! Something inside does begin to hurt. But, besides marrying off our children, there are other events in our lives that tug hard at the heart.

In May, my daughter Erin, graduates from Franciscan University of Steubenville. Throughout her four years of college, I’ve dealt with her comings and goings. Always thrilled to see her come and sad to see her go. As with all my children, with each good-bye, I’d die a little. Erin dreams of becoming a doctor and with her heart of service and compassion she will make a darn good one! She has applied to several schools of Osteopathy, the closest one located in Philadelphia. That’s where I’d like her to go, but her first choice is one located in Denver! Ack, I refuse to even think about it right now. Her graduation will be another bittersweet affair. I’ll have my tissues ready and my husband’s strong arm to hold on to.

My son attends West Virginia University and lives in Morgantown year round. Typical of many young men, his calls home are few and his visits are brief. Kevin is a quiet communicator. He doesn’t talk much while he’s home, so I’m never quite sure what’s going on inside his head or of the dreams he holds in his heart. He enjoys having me sit with him to watch football or extreme sports. My just being there says so much to him. In a lot of ways, it’s more difficult for me to let Kevin, my only boy, go. Like me, he has a melancholic temperament and I find myself worrying about his well-being. In many ways, he still seems just a boy and so vulnerable. He tries to disguise it with a bold bravado – but I know better. I don’t feel finished with Kevin yet and at times I miss him terribly.

My youngest child, my baby, graduates from High School in June. More tissues and more leaning on my husband, I’m sure! When Megan was a newborn, I remember examining every wrinkle in her pudgy, little, baby hand. I wanted to sear the look and feel of her tiny fingers in my memory forever. I knew she would grow up way too fast. And she did. And now here we are planning her future away from home. For a good part of a year, Megan has been looking forward to attending cosmetology school. She visited two schools in our area and had pretty much made up her mind to attend one of them in the fall of this year. I have always encouraged my kids to follow their dreams. Pursuing a profession in cosmetology seemed natural given Megan’s love and knack for cutting and styling hair. An added plus for me – I would have her home at least another year. But God had other plans. (I love it when He does that!) Due to a turn of events, Megan, instead, will be attending Belmont Abbey College – about a 7 hour drive for us. Too far! I do take comfort in knowing she’ll be only minutes away from several of her aunts and uncles and her grandparents. Megan now hopes to go to cosmetology school after she graduates from the Abbey.

Sometimes I wonder how we survive so many of our children’s milestones throughout our lives. Mine seem to arrive, one atop the other, like waves on a stormy sea crashing upon the shore. I suppose that’s what happens when your kids are so close in age. Well, for now, I’m going to focus on the positive side of my offspring growing up and moving out. First of all, I am eternally grateful to God for giving me the privilege of raising these amazing people. Although, it’s so hard for me to let go, it is also so very, very cool to have these incredible young adults in my life. It’s been an absolute joy to watch them grow, to celebrate their uniqueness. I cherish every moment I have with them, whether it be in serious conversation over a cup of coffee, playing crazy board games, or discussing homework. I also realize how perfectly natural their growing up is and how good it is for them. I look forward to seeing what God has in store for each of them. I pray that He continues to guide them, inspire them and fill them with His love.

I sometimes joke with my husband, “When all the kids are gone what ever will we talk about? What will we do?” All of our married life we’ve had kids. Katie arrived 10 months after we were married and the others shortly thereafter. Seriously, a marvelous opportunity to grow as a couple is opening up for Jim and me. To get to know one another in new and fascinating ways. We’re already spending more time out of the house (and at home) without the kids. I like focusing more undivided attention on him and I am truly excited to grow old with him. (However, something tells me we won’t be joining a bike club anytime soon!)

Speaking of growing old … In early June, we will be introducing our first grandchild to our zany, little world! What a precious, precious gift. His presence already brings such happiness. He is certainly going to be a welcome antidote to my “empty nest syndrome”. Can’t wait to meet the little one! So as one chapter ends a new one begins. I will continue to laugh and cry and live life to the fullest – no matter what it holds. Life is good indeed.