Friday, October 29, 2010

Daybook October 29

FOR TODAY


Outside my window
It's breezy and cool. The maples and oaks are giving up their greens for bright yellows, rusts and crimsons. The sycamore dons giant pumpkin colored leaves. My favorite, the split trunk maple, has already lost all hers. She stands naked and shivering, yet resigned to face another winter with grace and confidence.
I am thinking
About our upcoming Thanksgiving celebration and all I am thankful for, but mostly I am thinking about preparing succulent sides to go along with the turkey and of course, pies. Katie desperately wants to make the pies. She will.
I am thankful for
All the dinners friends have been making and bringing to us. Every one of them has been delicious and truly very much appreciated!
From the kitchen
Just re-read what I am thankful for! :)
I am wearing
Jeans and my Franciscan University sweatshirt
I am creating
Words upon my heart - most of which are recorded in my private journal
On Pandora
Not on. Need to hear Isaac when he wakes up.
I am going
To work later and then maybe to the hospital to visit Katie - unless Sam brings her home this afternoon.
I am reading
Still reading snippets from Elizabeth Ann Seton's writings and Elisabeth Leseur. Very inspirational - especially now. I've also been reflecting on Elizabeth Foss' and Daniele Bean's Small Steps book. The October reflections have truly hit home!
I am hoping
The doctors figure out what's causing Katie's problems. They are leaning toward steroid withdrawal syndrome. I think they may be right. She needed to be tapered off after the last two hospitalizations. I've read that some patients need to be weaned off even if they've received large doses for only a day or two.
I am hearing
The buzzing of my refrigerator. The dull hum of traffic off in the distance. The breeze outside.
Around the house
With everything that's been going on around here I've still been able to keep things tidy and cleaned up - except for my bedroom. What a disaster!! Ugh. I must do something to remedy it soon.
I am praying
Always. But mostly short and to the point prayers. Haven't been able to focus enough to pray my rosary, but it will come back.
One of my favorite things
Holly protecting little Isaac. Holly is my 13 month old silver dappled dachshund. She loves Isaac. One day while I was feeding him, she hopped up on the chair next to me and placed her little head on Isaac's lap and fell asleep. No one was around to take a photo. It was very sweet.
A few plans for the weekend
Hopefully Katie will be home and on the mend. I really do need to make a dent in straightening up my bedroom. And maybe see if I can still find a pumpkin or two. Is it too late to plant pansies?
I am pondering
"... as to sickness, and death itself if it comes to us again we know that they are the common attendants of human life, they are our certain portion at one period or other, and it would be madness to be unhappy because I am treated like the rest of human beings." Saint Elizabeth Ann Seton, Collected Writings.
A picture thought


 From the simple woman's daybook

(c) 2010 Darby Fitzpatrick














Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Real Love

Eleven o'clock has passed and I should be in bed like everyone else. But I'm not. It's been a long day and this is the first moment I've had alone; a moment to breathe deep; a moment to find Him. He is there, always there ready to listen and to console. Thank you, my Jesus.

It's been just about a month now that my Katie has been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. It has been a month filled with all sorts of uphill climbs, blind alleys, smooth sailing then back to rough seas. At least now we have been given a ray of hope; a light at the end of the tunnel. Initially, the neurologist in the hospital presented quite a bleak picture for Katie beginning with his diagnosis. Definitely multiple sclerosis and a pretty bad case of it according to the MRI report. The doctor did not provide her much hope. Katie, newly married and the mother of a nearly 6 month old baby, wondered if she would spend the rest of her life wheel chair bound.  "Perhaps." He didn't really know. He would start her on a daily regimen of copaxone, a drug that inhibits the spread of the disease.  In the meantime, Katie made an appointment with another well known, highly recommended neurologist in our area.

She met with Dr. Ruben Cintron last week. He spent over an hour with her - chatting, explaining, studying her MRI results and finally, gratefully, offering her hope - showing her the light at the end of the tunnel. He spent several minutes looking and studying carefully each slide of the MRI. He read the radiologist's report. Finally, he said he was baffled. The report presents a fairly grim picture that is actually not reflected in the images. Some of the areas the radiologist referred to as 'lesions' were simple too vague for Dr. Cintron to make that determination. He said, "You probably have MS, you may not, but if you do it is a very mild case." He agreed to treat her with the copaxone as it will help if it is MS and it won't hurt if it isn't. He explained that neurologists almost never diagnose MS immediately after a patient presents her first episode. Normally, the patient is initially diagnosed with transverse myelitis which may be caused by a virus, MS or even Lyme disease. (Although Dr. Cintron is fairly confident it is not Lyme.) After a patient recovers from her first episode, it isn't until a second bout of symptoms occurs that the doctors will then confirm the MS. There may be a lapse of many years before the second episode occurs. Dr. Cintron told Katie that some patients experiencing transverse myelitis take up to a year to recover, but he feels she will be back to her old self in 2 to 3 months. I think if she could, Katie would have done the happy dance!

For now, the solu medrol (steroid) that Katie received in the hospital (a urinary tract infection sent her back to the hospital last week) has worn off leaving her in a severely weakened state. She cannot walk and is worn out by the simplest task. Dr. Cintron is putting her back on a round of steroids that she can take orally at home. In the meantime, with juggling our work schedules and with help from Sam's mom, we manage to take care of Katie's needs and little Isaac's, too. God sent us such a dear, sweet baby! Smiling all the time, hardly ever a tear. He is a constant source of joy amid this trial. And so is caring for my girl. When she apologizes over and over, I say, "Katie, you're my Isaac! I love you!" My burden is light! Sure, I'm tired at times - but that's because my body has limitations. My heart has none.

I see her struggling to take a step or two as Sam and I help her navigate her way from the bedroom to the bathroom and back and I remember and marvel at the words of their marriage vows, "... in sickness and in health." He is a good, good husband. This has been hard for him - he just wants to make it all better. Perhaps, for Katie the most difficult and most sorrowing aspect to this illness is not being able to care for her little one. "Will he forget I'm his mommy?" she wondered tearfully. Not only was it necessary for her to give up breast feeding him, but right now she can't do all the normal things mothers do - diapering, bathing, dressing, taking him for a stroll, or feeding him a bottle. No, my darling, he will not forget you are his mommy! He will always know and you will be chasing him around soon, I promise. And he will grow up never remembering any of this, only hearing the stories shared around the dinner table about the time he and Daddy and Mommy had to go live with Nana and Grandpa because Mommy was very ill. And how Mimi came, too, every day to help take care of him and Mommy. He will always know  how very loved he is by all his aunties and uncles, grandparents and friends and by his Mommy and Daddy, too, who love him most of all.

Katie and I have shared beautiful moments over the past several weeks. Thoughts and reflections spoken gently to one another. Quiet conversations about suffering and our acceptance of it; about its purpose; its necessity; its beauty. As my daughter suffers, I'm obtaining a clearer understanding of Our Lady's journey to Calvary, walking with her Son to the Cross and how her own immaculate heart was nailed to that very same cross the moment those nails pierced His hands and His feet. We Catholics call this type of suffering redemptive. It is offered for all the atrocities against Christ; for those we know about and those known only to Him. It leads us to caring about other souls and to see them as He sees them. It is love. Real love.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Daybook October 16

FOR TODAY


Outside my window
It is beautiful. Crisp, cool, breezy - an array of green turning toward gold against a sapphire backdrop.  All bathed in glorious sunshine.


I am thinking
That sometimes it's ok to say, "This really sucks."

I am thankful for
          The outpouring of love and prayers from friends and family on behalf of my Katie. And for the    countless unknown souls who are also praying - those members of prayer chains from many denominations, friends of friends and aquaintances, my brother's Masses, and the prayers of the dear, dear nuns at several convents.

From the kitchen
           Nothing new here. Only good, bold coffee.


I am wearing

My p.j.s and a zip-up hoodie.


I am creating
A sweet and beautiful story that, for now, resides in the depths of my soul where it lies hidden and protected. When I have more strength, I'll share it.


On Pandora
Piano Radio - currently, 'Longing' by Jon Dahlander


I am going
To visit my girl in the hospital today.


I am reading

          The Secret Diary of Elisabeth Leseur. An AMAZING story of a devout Catholic woman whose undying love, compassion, prayers and sacrifices and words from her journals led her atheist husband to full conversion and eventually the priesthood after her untimely death from cancer.

I am hoping
         That Katie will regain her strength and walk again. That she will soon be back in the kitchen whipping up some delicious gourmet treat for her husband. That she will soon be able to cuddle her son and dance with him in the light of the moon.

I am hearing

          My husband eating breakfast in the kitchen. He is my rock.


Around the house

          Thinking about converting the living room into a bedroom ... hopefully, we won't have to.


I am praying for
A miracle.


One of my favorite things
           The autmn wind scooping up the fallen leaves sending them swirling through the air in small cyclones of color.

A few plans for the rest of the week

I'm really not sure what the upcoming week has in store. I will continue doing ... just doing.


I am pondering
Having those believers in the causes of sainthood to pray through the intercession of Servant of God, Elisabeth Leseur for complete healing for my daughter. Katie has given me her approval.


A picture thought



Katie's "Boys"


From the simple woman's daybook


(c) 2010 Darby Fitzpatrick

Monday, October 4, 2010

Daybook

FOR TODAY

Outside my window

Cold rain. Fall has arrived and my hydrangeas look satiated, yet bear the marks of a long drought. Alas, soon they will succumb to the frost.

I am thinking

About what I have to accomplish this week ... taking Kate to the doctor, dog to the vet, general housekeeping ...

I am thankful for

Katie
 
 From the kitchen
Finding new and tasty gluten free recipes for Erin (and maybe Katie). Last night I made a scrumptious bacon  spinach risotto that Erin discovered online. Served it with a green salad and a pinot noir.
 
I am wearing
Black warm-up pants, my new Belmont Abbey sweatshirt and my beat up, old Eddie Bauer slippers.

I am creating
A blog piece about suffering and mothering. About LOVE. Mostly it's in my head/heart with a few thoughts scribbled down on a yellow note pad. 

On Pandora 
Listening to the Contemporary Christian station. Blessed be Your Name

I am going

To work at noon. By the way, I am so grateful for my kindhearted, caring co-workers. It is a joy to work with them!

I am reading
Still reading  Elizabeth Ann Seton - Selected Writings edited by Ellin Kelly and Annabelle Melville. And also, "With God's Help" a tiny, little devotional book compiled by the Daughters of Charity. It includes a collection of quotations from the correspondence and journals of St. Elizabeth Ann Seton. I'll be using it, initially, for a new prayer/discussion group I'm starting.
I am hoping
That grace upon grace comes from the events that have recently transpired.

I am hearing
Jesus in my heart singing a very sweet melody.

Around the house
I've fallen behind on my housework, but managed to scour the first floor bathroom this morning! Yay!

I am praying for

ALL the friends, family, and those known only to God, who have offered their prayers, sacrifices, words of encouragement and acts of kindness on behalf of Katie over the past week and continue to do so.

One of my favorite things
Isaac's glorious smile. It is impossible to be sad about anything when he's around. Always.

A few plans for the rest of the week

Helping Katie get to her doctors appointments and I will be launching the new prayer group tomorrow night. Holly needs to go to the vet for a shot and a nail clipping. A baby shower on Friday night for a wonderful young lady! And packing to leave town on Saturday - going to see my baby, Megan!! (And my mom and sisters & brothers, too!)

I am pondering

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Cor 12:9)

A picture thought


 
 
 
 
 
(c) 2010 Darby Fitzpatrick