Monday, August 15, 2011

The Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary

Today the Church celebrates the solemnity of the glorious Assumption of Mary, Mother of God into Heaven. I've just returned from Mass in honor of this special Marian feast. Below are wise words written in the 12th century by the Cistercian monk, Saint Aelred Rielvaux. I love what he writes and thought I'd share his sermon here with you. You may also find it here.


Saint Aelred of Rielvaux (1110-1167), Cistercian monk
2nd sermon for the Assumption, Durham coll.


 
From now on will all ages call me blessed
 
If Saint Mary Magdalene – who had been a sinner and from whom the Lord had cast out seven demons – merited to be glorified by him to the extent that her praise abides for ever among the assembly of the saints, who can measure the extent to which "the upright rejoice and dance for joy in the presence of the Lord" with regard to holy Mary, who knew not man?... If the apostle Peter – who was not only unable to watch for one hour with Christ but who even went so far as to deny him – afterwards won such favor that the keys of the Kingdom of heaven were entrusted to him, of what praises is holy Mary not worthy, who bore the king of angels himself in her womb, he whom the heavens cannot contain? If Saul, who "breathed murderous threats against the disciples of the Lord"... was the object of such mercy... that he was "caught up to the third heaven, whether in the body or out of the body", it is not surprising that the holy Mother of God – who stayed beside her son through all the trials he endured from his cradle onwards – should have been lifted up to heaven, even in her body, and exalted high above the choirs of angels.

If there is "joy in heaven before the angels over one sinner who repents", who can tell what joyful and lovely praises rise up before God concerning holy Mary who never sinned?... Indeed, if those who "once were darkness" and have now become "light in the Lord" "will shine like the sun in the kingdom of their Father", who is able to tell  "the eternal weight of glory" of holy Mary, who came into the world "like dawn arising, beautiful as the moon, resplendent as the sun" and of whom was born "the true light which enlightens  everyone coming into the world"? Moreover, since our Lord said: "Whoever serves me must follow me, and where I am there will my servant also be", where do we think his mother must be who served him with such eagerness and fidelity? If she followed him and obeyed him even to death, no one can wonder that now, more than anyone else, she "follows the Lamb wherever he goes."

(Biblical references : Lk 8,2; Ps 149[148],1; Ps 68[67],4; Lk 1,34; Mt 26,40.70; Mt 16,19; Acts 9,1; 2Cor 12,2; Lk 22,28; Lk 15,7; Eph 5,8; Mt 13,43;  2Cor 4,17; Sg 6,9; Jn 1,9; Jn 12,26; Rv 14,4)




Sunday, August 7, 2011

My daughter, you are BEAUTIFUL!



Thank you everyone for reading Megan's series about her journey toward finding her beautiful self. Your prayers, comments and words of encouragement are so gratefully appreciated. As with all sojourns, for Megan the journey is one she embarks on with each rising sun. Each day brings her closer to knowing her true Love and King, the Author of life and the reason for her being. As with all pilgrimages she continually faces temptations and sometimes roadblocks pop up seemingly out of nowhere. That's why it is so vital for her to maintain and nurture her life of prayer, praise and adoration; to immerse herself continuously in a sacramental life. Let this be a lesson for all of us.

As Megan's mom, I found that facing and accepting the pain she grappled with as a teen and young adult a very difficult pill to swallow. When she first shared her struggles with me my heart sank in a pool of guilt and disappointment (in myself). Perhaps it is natural for a mother to immediately question, "Where did I go wrong? How have I managed to fail her?" Did she not know that I have always loved her simply for who she is? I have always found her to be a truly unique and amazingly beautiful child of God.

She assures me that I did not go wrong. She recently explained to me that she never felt that I judged her or made a big fuss over her appearance or weight gain and for that, she says, she is grateful.

All my babies were born big. Megan, my smallest newborn, weighed 9.4 oz. They all grew at their own pace and none of them were (or are) similar in body type. Megan started getting 'chubby' around age 7. I wasn't too concerned, but did work with our pediatrician in figuring out a nutritional plan that included more healthy choices - particularly for snacks. As an entire family, we needed to change our eating habits and unfortunately, since no one else seemed to have a problem with weight, the cookies, cakes, chips, etc. stuck around. So, Megan ate them, too. How could I expect a 10 year old girl to resist the temptation to reach into a box of Little Debbies? I remember saying to the doctor, "But she is so active! This is not a couch potato kid!" She hardly ever sat still. She was always on the move. Nonetheless, she continued to gain weight. We tested her for metabolic disorders, diabetes, and other health issues, but she was healthy. We kept her active in soccer and outdoor activities.



I do remember the tears - mostly as she started really caring about how she looked. I always told her that she had a beautiful soul and that was most important. My love for her wasn't based on how much or how little she weighed or what she looked like. To me, she was utterly lovable and always beautiful. She was always my princess.

As she neared middle school, I remember telling her not to worry, she would most likely outgrow it - just like her Aunt Joan who was also plump as a young child, but as a teen and young adult had shot up and thinned out. But Megan was already comparing herself to the young women on television, in movies and in magazines. She started believing what the world defined as beautiful and the image that stared back at her in the mirror did not fit the bill. When I told her I thought she was gorgeous, or that I could simply fall into the deep, green pools that are her eyes or that her hair was thick and lustrous and smelled so good; she would reply, "But you're my mom. You're supposed to say those things. You're supposed to love me no matter what." If I'd tell her that one of my friends remarked at how cute she looked or what a gorgeous smile she had, she would only balk and say, "Yeah, they're just being nice." or "But they're old, what do they know?" She wanted affirmation from her peers and from 'the world' and they were letting her down.


So, what's a mother to do when her words and affection aren't enough? Don't stop, that's what! Keep right on loving her, praying for her, and laying the foundation, cemented in Christ, that will ultimately carry her up and out of the quagmire of self deprecation and poor self-image.

At first, my husband and I were very supportive of Megan's dieting and decision to eat only healthy foods. I was pleased to know that she had taken it upon herself to learn about nutrition and a healthier life style. Everyone in our family seemed to take a new interest in seriously cutting out the junk from our diets. After awhile, however, we noticed Megan obsessing about how many calories she was consuming each day. "How many ounces was that piece of chicken?" she would demand. She used an online calorie calculator to keep track of every bite of food. She knew she should be consuming at least a certain amount of calories per day, but she was falling far short of that number. The pounds were melting off of her. Finally, she looked much too thin. My husband was concerned and wanted her to stop dieting. 



Things seemed to settle down a bit as Megan neared the end of high school. I was not aware of her attraction to bulimia until she confessed to me earlier this year that she had actually tried it a few times. Thankfully, it did not become a serious problem for her. Thankfully, she met wonderful friends - God loving peers -  at Belmont Abbey College who have helped her in accepting herself and loving herself for who God created her to be. (I can't believe we almost didn't send her there! But God made it clear - that's where He willed her to be.) Megan is learning what it means to be truly feminine, to be truly beautiful and she knows that's not what the world offers.

As her mom, are there things I wished I had done differently over the years? Sure. For one thing - I wish I had known as much about the food we eat, or hopefully avoid, back then as I do now. I would definitely have made much better choices for meals - starting when my kids were infants. And I would never, ever have taken them to fast food restaurants. Ever. I wish I had been more mindful of helping them understand that Hollywood and the fashion industry masks what is truly beautiful and distorts it. They take what's real and make it fake. It's one thing to style your hair or apply lip gloss and eye shadow to help you feel pretty and feminine, but we must not reject and abhor the bodies and attributes that God has given us. Finally, we didn't watch a lot of television, by most standards, but I wish we had watched even less or none at all.

But, mostly I'd do the same things again. I know Megan appreciates the love and affection she received growing up. We are very close. We share many, many things, she and I. I've related how I, too, felt awkward, ugly and unloved as a teen and into my adulthood. I didn't battle weight issues, but I had horrible acne and a boyish figure. In other words, I had my own demons to contend with. I've shared how I dealt with all of that garbage (sometimes badly) and how I've overcome it all. I believe in my heart that this has helped Megan to know and to trust me.



I do not regret that my husband and I did our best to educate our children in the ways of God. We, like many, were poorly catechized in the "60's & 70's"; therefore, as parents, we were determined to center our lives on Christ; to live sacramental lives and carry out every aspect of our faith every day. Megan assures me that this foundation - even though she was tempted to not take it very seriously - ultimately helped keep her on the right path. As she matured and moved away from home for the first time, she had to discover everything that had been passed down to her in a new way. It needed to be real. She needed to make it her own. So, either she was going to reject it altogether or cling to and ingest it in a whole new way. By the grace of God, her relationship with Christ became very real and much more intimate. She grew to know and love Our Lady, too. As she states in her, "Journey to Beauty" series and as I mention above, God placed wonderful friends in her life to help her see herself as HE sees her. These caring friends have helped reinforce the foundations that my husband and I, her siblings and other relatives and life-long friends, have laid down in her life.

In today's Gospel from Saint Matthew (Mt.14:22-23), Saint Peter, in the dark of night, is walking on the water of the Sea of Galilee toward Jesus. Frightened by the strength of the wind, Peter loses faith and begins to sink. He cries out, "Lord, save me!" And then we see that immediately Jesus stretches out his hand and catches Peter. Megan was sitting next to me at Mass this morning as we listened to our parochial vicar preach about this part of the Gospel. He emphasized how Christ is right there all the time ready to save us from peril. He hears and responds - immediately -  to our desperate pleas for help. At the end of part two of her Journey to Beauty, referring to the spring of her freshman year, Megan writes, "By this time my spiritual life had sky rocketed…it actually amazes me how much the Lord rescued me in such a short amount of time." Amazing, indeed!


Thank you for your continued prayers and well wishes for Megan. I know God has mighty plans in store for this girl! I'd like to also personally thank Kate Wicker for her comments and messages to Megan. Coincidentally, Megan and I had just received our copy of Kate's book Weightless: Making Peace with Your Body in the mail. I was reading the first two chapters in the Adoration Chapel at my parish about the very same time Kate was leaving a lovely comment for Megan after reading part one of Journey to Beauty. For anyone who has experience with eating disorders or knows someone who struggles with self-image issues, the book is highly recommended.

Praise be Jesus Christ, now and forever!

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Journey to Beauty - Part Four: Afterward

 Here is the final installment of Megan's journey toward beauty ...
 
Thanks be to God, receiving the Eucharist every day opened my eyes to the blessings and the love the Lord has given me and the greatness and beauty in His world. It has also made me aware of the lies society tells us, especially about feminine beauty. Through prayer, guidance of incredible friends and people in my life, wonderful books including Captivating and How to Find Your Soul Mate Without Losing Your Soul, a wonderful conference put on by FOCUS, and a relationship with the Blessed Mother my life was changed. The image of beauty that the world showcases doesn’t even exist. Too many women are getting plastic surgery; so many computer programs have editing software for the purposes of “enhancing” the faces and bodies of models and famous women who actually don’t look like that in real life. Why are we so blind to it when even the very women on magazines complain about how their photos were completely edited erasing their natural appearance? (And we wonder why people don’t feel beautiful?) We’re told time and time again that these edited photos are what truly beautiful people look like. (For specific examples of famous women who have been vandalized by magazines read How to find your soul mate without losing your soul by Jason and Crystalina Everett in the Love your Body chapter.)

I also came to realize that we are all princesses of the Lord! We are all truly beautiful and the Lord has a plan for each and every one of us. Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." We have to trust Him. He made us in his image and likeness. He made us and saw that it was GOOD. He gave us the gifts, the talents and the beauty to fulfill His plan. We are fallen, yes, but He allows challenges in our lives to make us strong, to be the people He intended us to be and to always choose Him. He came humbly into this world to die for our sins, for all the mistakes that we make, because we think we know better than He does. Just like I did and like I do every day when I sin. But He loves us so much. He is here with us! His body and His blood are HERE. And we can be completely united to Him every single day by receiving His body and blood in the most Holy sacrament of the Altar. He asks His children to use the beauty and the gifts that He has given us to be His arms, legs and His voice. He feeds us with Himself in the Eucharist so that we can love like Him, so that we can bring Him to others. HE is the bread of life! He is victory over all! He can defeat anything. If He defeated every sin in the world, past, present, future, and death itself, He can certainly defeat our pains and our sufferings and He can defeat the lies that the world feeds us, because He feeds us with everlasting life. The more like Him we are, the more we are ourselves, because He created us in His image. And the more at peace and satisfied we will be.

Don’t let pride fool you into false humility, THIS, accepting the way Christ created you as beautiful, is humility my friends. It is humble because you are not saying you know better than God and that He did not create you beautiful. It is accepting that you are a beautiful creation of the Lord. Even Jesus Christ Himself says, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” We must love ourselves in order to love His people; in that way we love the Lord. Matthew 25:40 says, “The King will answer and say to them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to me.” By loving our brothers and sisters we love our Lord. Expanding on the advice from Jason Everett about asking the Lord to show us our beauty, my amazing uncle and godfather, Father James Collins once told me to ask the Lord to heal me from my insecurities and to ask the Lord specifically to heal me of certain ones; for example, “Lord help me to stop comparing myself to others.” Ask the Lord to heal you of specific insecurities. The Lord hears our prayers and He answers them. He knows the true desires of our hearts and He knows exactly what we need. He knows how to make us stronger and how to take victory in our souls.

The Lord loves us more than anyone else can ever love us. He hurts when we hurt and He wants to bring us healing. Let us humble ourselves and allow the Lord to love us and to heal us. He will heal us. Like I said, He is victorious. He is Almighty, all-powerful, and all loving! Stop comparing yourself to others, because the Lord made you to be yourself, and you are beautiful and wonderful. Allow Him to reveal to you the gifts and talents He has given you. Accept compliments, it is the Lord loving you through someone else. Believe them. The Lord is not a liar. If you do not believe the compliments, ask the Lord to heal you from those lies that poison your heart and keep you from seeing your beauty. You are beautiful and you are a princess of the heavenly King! He is Our Father; He is always there with strong and undying love for us. Turn to Him always and never give up on Him, He never gives up on you.

Ask Our Lady, Mother Mary to show you true feminine beauty. (Wise advice from my dear friend ,Kelly Craige). Mary is most beautiful and the Queen of all. She is the pillar of all virtue; ask her to show you virtue and what it means to be truly beautiful and feminine. Females are the essence of beauty. (Captivating) Let the beauty of God shine through you, for you are blessed!

 This is my story, and this is my advice. I often pray for an increase of awareness of the terrible lies society tells women and for the wisdom and the strength for girls and women to stay far from being swept under the current that I had been drowning in. It might be easy to get swept in and it might look like there is a warm, sunny beach at the end. But that current is strong and it’s rough. It’s a whirlpool that spins you under and when you want to go back it is hard. But never forget that the Father is there with His loving arms to rescue His princess from the depth of despair.

Praise be Jesus Christ, now and forever!




To go back to the beginning of Megan's series Journey to Beauty, click here.

Monday, August 1, 2011

Journey to Beauty - Part Three: The Victory

Here is the third installment of Megan's journey toward beauty ...

Summer 2011


Summer was here and I had to become a lot more independent than I had been my whole life and it was a challenge. At the same time I was still struggling with insecurities about my weight. Thanks to my dear friend Laura, I read a book she gave me called, How to Find Your Soul Mate Without Losing Your Soul by Jason and Crystalina Everett. I immediately read the chapter titled, “Love Your Body.” It changed my life. In the book Jason says to ask the Lord to give us His eyes so that we may see ourselves as He sees us, because the Lord desires for us to love ourselves as He loves us. He also advises to stand in front of a mirror and to call upon the Lord in prayer and ask Him to show us our beauty and say, “Help me to see what you see, Lord.” Soon after beginning this practice, I cried out to the Lord in prayer one evening, exhausted from the constant battle with my body. I begged the Lord to relieve me of my suffering and to show me my beauty; I just couldn’t see it. I was too tired to keep trying. Once and for all, I let go and laid my suffering at the foot of the Cross. Immediately, I was infused with confidence in my body. I know for a fact that the Lord healed me and He has blessed me with incredible family and friends, strangers, opportunities, and situations in my life that helped bring about this miraculous healing. He helped me to see the lies society feeds me and other women in the world. He gave me the tools to continue striving for acceptance of myself and confidence in my body as it matures. He helped me appreciate my talents, my personality and all that He has given me. Through my suffering and healing He has given me the grace to turn to Him always and to strive for humility, courage, patience, trust and charity, virtues that I had previously rejected.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still human and I’m not perfect. I’m not always pleased with my body and I have many other insecurities. Even after I felt comfortable in my own skin (quite literally), I remember thinking how strange it was that numbers on a scale still mattered and I still thought about how I shouldn’t eat certain things. Sometimes I find myself comparing myself to others as well. Furthermore, I often ask myself, ‘although I’m happy with my body now, would I be if I gained more weight?’ Aside from physical insecurities, it is very hard for me to be vulnerable and to share my emotions with people. I have a lot of pride, so I don’t like to be seen as weak. I constantly have to search for the true meaning of confidence in relation to humility. But in my journey toward beauty the thoughts about my weight don’t consume me as they once did. The healing is continuous, daily, but I have a new confidence because the Lord answered my prayers and helped me to see what He sees. I’m constantly learning over and over again how to trust Him. I’m recognizing how prideful I am and when and where I put up walls. I’m learning how selfish I was and how I still am. But I am also a witness to how the Lord can heal us and how He will rescue us from the corrupt society that tells us that women are not good enough unless they’re anorexically thin, plastic, and photo-shopped. We’ll never be perfect. The only perfect you can be is the perfect you. 

Click here to read Part Four: Afterward